The new priest was so nervous at his first mass that he could hardly speak. Before his second appearance in the pulpit, he asked the Monsignor, "How can I relax?" The Monsignor said, "Next Sunday it may help if you put some vodka in the water pitcher. After a few sips, everything should go smoothly."
The next Sunday the new priest put the suggestion into practice and was able to talk up a storm. He felt great! However, upon returning to the rectory, he found a note from the Monsignor: 1. Next time sip rather than gulp.
2. There are ten commandments, not twelve.
3. There are twelve disciples, not ten.
4. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T".
5. We do not refer to the Virgin Mary as "Mary with a cherry"
6. We do not refer to the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost as "Daddy-O, Junior, and Casper".
7. The recommended grace before meals is not, "Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub, yeeeeaaaaaa God!"
8. David slew Goliath, but he did not kick the crap out of him.
9. Do not refer to our savior Jesus Christ and his apostles as J. C. & the Boys.
10. Last but not least, next Wednesday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
Welcome to my world. Share the world with me. Let us reflect, laugh, and share love.
Contributed by Ciriaco T. Daluddung II
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